I have always been the friend everyone came to for help with their problems.  I have always enjoyed listening to others and helping them see things from another perspective and, if asked, give my advice.  This is one of the main reasons I decided to go to school to become a counselor. From Peer Helpers in school to my job now, I have always been in a position to help others.
I have been told I am easy to talk to and helping others with their problems actually helps me with my own.  I would like to think I have a natural ability to see things from a different perspective.  Now, I am not tooting my own horn, just stating what I believe.  I have always been interested in what makes people tick and how experiences form a person’s way of thinking and acting.
There are things that happen to us when we are children that we do not even realize influence our lives and how we live as adults. We all have something that sticks in our brains, be it subconscious or conscious, that forms our outlooks on things and how we react to different situations.  One of mine was my father leaving.  I idolized my dad.  In a way, I still do. I was young and all I knew was I loved my dad and wanted him to love me back.  We were not a very open family when it comes to feelings.
I still remember the night my parents told my sisters and me that they were not going to be married anymore.  I was wearing my yellow nightgown with a cartoon raccoon on it, sitting in Dad’s lap in the rocking chair.  When they told us, I closed my eyes and pretended it was not true. I do not remember much in detail after that but that moment will always be in my memories. I missed my dad; I missed my family the way I knew it. I blamed my mom until I got old enough to understand why it all came to pass. 
I spent a huge part of my life trying to get my dad’s attention. Once he left it was hard.  I always just wanted to hear him say that he loves me no matter what and that he is proud of me no matter what.  I finally got that last year.  It felt awesome.  I always knew he loved me, but I just wanted to hear it. The funny thing is I never realized any of this until I was in therapy a few years ago, after the divorce.  I did not realize that by not getting the attention I wanted from my dad, I would seek it out from boyfriends.  I had a huge light bulb moment and I felt like a huge weight had lifted.
I had a new perspective on things and have done a lot of work on me since then.  I no longer feel I need to seek out any attention I can from someone, anyone.  I know now that I deserve more than that.  It was a first step on a long journey. 
So I guess me going to school for psychology is for me, as much as it is for me to help others. 
Advertisements

~ by phoenix924 on August 11, 2011.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: