Family Ties?

I never had a close family, on either side.  I always wanted the kind of family who got together on Sundays for dinner and who had yearly family reunions. As it was, I rarely saw my parents due to working or visitation schedules and I do not remember the last time I saw one of my aunts or uncles.  If it was not for sites like Facebook I do not think I would ever have the chance to connect with them.  I had quite the dysfunctional family growing up. It was not fun most of the time.

Dad had his issues with his demons and Mom did what she had to do to make ends meet, and when you are trying to raise three very opinionated and vocal girls, that could not have been easy. There were fights almost daily.  There is a weird dynamic between my sisters and me.  We can never all get along at the same time.  There is always an “odd man out”.  Two of us would get along and be friends while the third one was the outsider. It is still like this today, although I think at times none of us get along.

 I am 1300 miles away from my family and as much as I like it, it is hard on me not having anyone close.  My mom is sad I live so far away and is always hinting about me moving back to Wisconsin. While I can not say it will never happen, I am going to try and keep it from happening anytime soon. Even when I do visit, I feel like an outsider.  That life is not me anymore.  I am set up here, I have a great job and a house of my own.  Yes, both are challenging but worth the struggle.

I believe that I am stronger for having moved here and deciding to stay here even after the divorce. I look at my aunts on my dad’s side (4 of them) and they are all spread out from LA to Vegas to northern Wisconsin and Virginia.  No one is really near family, other than the ones they started.  My mom’s side is the same way. My aunt is in Colorado and my Uncle is in Arizona.  I did have one other uncle on Mom’s side but I remember meeting him once before he died and could not pick out his kids in a lineup if I tried.

I have been in Texas for over seven years and have only been visited twice, both times by my mom and both in the first two years.  It does hurt that my dad or sisters have not even asked about coming to visit, or have mentioned it and then it was tossed aside.  I would love to show them the life their little sister/baby girl has built for herself.  I am proud of what I have done and would like them to see it.  Those are the times I really wish we were closer.

Lately I have been getting closer to one of my cousins on my dad’s side and we talk when we can.  His sister and I were pretty close when we were in our teens and have supported each other through a lot, but she is busy with her family and 3 kiddos, one of which is named after me (big grin) and for that I am honored.

I know that no family is perfect. I just long for one I can  feel a part of because sometimes I do not feel like I am a part of anyone’s family. Do not get me wrong,  I love all of my family.  I miss my parents. I miss my grandparents.  I wish I was closer to my sisters.  All things that are normal, I think.  At least they are to me.


~ by phoenix924 on August 5, 2011.

One Response to “Family Ties?”

  1. I can completely relate to this post Alicia. I also feel like an outsider everytime I go home to visit…it's weird. My husbands family here isnt very close-knit either…so it's basically us and some close friends. I definitely hear ya on this one! Wanted you to know that I too am SO proud of you and what you have built for yourself. You are a strong person and I love that about you!

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