Have you ever seen the show Dexter? If you take away the killing part, you have a man who has no emotions.  He goes through his life faking it all, even a relationship. I think I understand how it is to be like that.  Lately I feel like I am just going through the motions.  I’m starting to wonder if I have put up walls that are too tall and too thick, making them impenetrable. I am exhausted after trying to appear upbeat and happy.

I think that maybe I am used up emotionally.  I don’t even feel much towards my friends, family or  pets.  I still have empathy, so I am no sociopath.  I just don’t know if I can feel love anymore.  This feeling almost scares me, but then I start to ask myself if I am scared of it or am I just telling myself I should be scared.  The idea of a relationship actually makes me feel tired. Just the thought of forcing myself to look like I am having fun and enjoying myself just drains me.


~ by phoenix924 on July 31, 2011.

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