Filling the silence

One of the joys of being single is the silence.  Ok maybe not necessarily a joy when that is all that is there.  Silence makes you focus on things you may not necessarily enjoy focusing on, like yourself.  I took a half day today and came home.  I had plans of doing some baking, cleaning, etc… and I did.  For about an hour.  It is not that I get bored easily, but I just normally can not sit still when I am alone. When I was in therapy for a little while, my therapist told me I did this to avoid being alone with myself.  She was right.  I still do not totally enjoy being me. I try to fill the silence with music, TV, or just re-teaching myself the piano and singing songs from high school (I really need to get new sheet music). I know I am a good person, but I have a long way to go before I accept me for who I am, flaws and all.  I am a lot better than I was, but it is yet another part of me under construction.  I do not know if I have ever met someone who was 100% happy with every bit of themselves, so that is comforting.  We all have our issues, I guess it is all in how we deal with an accept them. It is times like this I miss having someone there to do nothing with.  I wish my brain would just hit the pause button sometimes.

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~ by phoenix924 on July 23, 2011.

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